Sleep...would love some

I often wondered what women meant when they said they were exhausted after having a newborn. I wondered how they felt or what it felt. I also longed for that feeling. Well...here it is front and center. I'm exhausted everyday. I also suffer from New Mommy Syndrome. Its the syndrome where no one can do it like I can so I might as well just do it myself. This syndrome also runs you ragged and makes your husband frustrated beause all he wants to do is help. Its not so much that I don't think anyone else can do it, its I don't trust they can do it correctly. Today I had my first lesson in backing off. Today I gave my first nanny a test run and it was so hard. I came in from running and heard Luke screaming. I had given her instructions before I left if Luke goy fussy and she chose not to use them. I wanted badly to comfort him as he screamed so loudly (and this child never screams unless he has gas) but I didn't but I also wanted to fire her on the spot! I had to remember that I hired her for a reason, for help because I was exahusted and will need help when I go back to work. I was sick to my stomach as I stood there and listened. I spent an hour texting my husband from my bedroom about what to do while I was supposed to be getting ready for a "me" day. My friend Leigh suffered along with him. Luke was eventually soothed and went to sleep. I never thought the hardest thing would be trusting someone...trusting them with your first born. He survived. I survived also. We both crashed for 3 hours after her shift was over. My sister-in-law told me motherhood was filled with guilt that you put on yourself. I slowly am realizing how right she was and he's only a month old.