Saturday I woke up and had this great plan for the day. Run (yes I know I shouldn't be running b/c of my back but I never learn), pool with baby and dad, nap and bbq with friends. Well it went south quickly as I stood on the scale and looked at the number. I'd only lost 1 lb this week. ugh. But I put a smile on, put on my running gear and headed out with the dog. Halfway through the run my back kicked in to full hurt gear. We couldn't turn back because we were halfway either way we went so again, I smiled and kept moving. We got back and all was still well. I put the baby down for a nap and of course after 30 minutes he was up and ready to roll. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to put on his swim gear and try the pool. Well Luke was in a mood. All he wanted was his pacifer and cuddling with mom but I continued with my plan ignoring all the warning signals that it might not go well. We got in the pool and it was cooler than normal and stunk of pool chemicals. He was not a fan and all I could think of was "are the chemicals too strong for his skin....are they burning him?" So we got out and tried sitting in the shade but I wanted to be in the pool. Ugh. He wasn't happy and niether was I. Why would they pool guy come on Friday night and put chemicals in knowing we use the pool on the weekend?!?!? AND he knows we have a baby. So I was plotting his demise as I dried the baby off and put him in his swing, INSIDE. Playtime was over...it lasted 30 minutes max. I let this ruin my day. At this point I had convinced myself that we would never be able to enjoy the pool again. I handed off the baby to husband and put myself down for a nap because clearly was I cranky for letting this ruin my day. After 2 hours of isolation I came back down ready to try again and secretly thinking I was dumb for such a temper tantrum. It was time to get ready for a friend's bbq. Here we go....getting ready meant I had to find something that actually fit. Will I cry or be happy? Lets just say the bbq started at 6pm and we weren't sure we were going to make it at 5:45. Nothing fit so I settled with a stretchy skirt and top. Anything elastic these days is what I go with . I REFUSE to buy clothes in the size that actually fits me these days in hopes that I will eventually get back to my original size. One can dream right?
The bbq was great and I learned that these moms are going through the same thing which made me feel better. I'm not sure why I let these things get to me so quickly but I do. Weight has ALWAYS been my issue and probably always will be. Yes there are more important issues I have to deal with right now but shouldn't a mommy feel good about herself? Right now I'm struggling with my new look. Pregnancy left me with loose skin, loss of muscle tone and a jiggling belly but gave me a healthy baby boy. Producing a healthy baby should win out right? In all honesty it doesn't. I want my old body back.
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