Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Still new baby/new mommy syndrome

I've been putting off taking the baby to the gym for many reasons...#1 was because he was so young but he has reached the 3 month mark and I can't shield him from germs forever. I took him on a plane for crying out loud. I don't know why I've dreaded taking him to the kid's club at our gym. Yes I do...its because I was scared no one would watch him or take care of him. Everytime I said I would do it I would make up an excuse to justify not taking him. Its too hot outside, oh was that a sneeze..nope we can't go, he was fussy or sleepy, etc. So this week I'm without a nanny because she's on vacation and I've GOT to get my workouts in. I dreaded it and dreaded it but today I just did it. I told myself..30 minutes isn't going to kill either one of us (hopefully) so I'm just going to do it and I'll take him during a time that isn't busy. I compromised with myself because thats what we do right? I had butterflies in my stomach the whole way there. Took him in and of course I annouced to the girl how nervous I was and that this was his first time. She looked at me like "and...what do you think is going to happen?". That was my cue to put him down and walk away. I took a blanket for him to lay on in a bouncy because I'm quite positive those things have never been washed...I AM compromising. I quickly jetted off for a 30 minute run on the treadmill. I looked around the entire time thinking that they would for sure come and get me because they couldn't calm him down or something happened or even someone stole him. Monica was in full force (if you've read my other blogs you are familiar with Monica). Well 30 minutes was up and I walked VERY quickly back to the kid's club and there he was safe and sound. He was smiling at the girl that was talking to him. She said he never even whimpered. Of course he didn't. He looked at me like " awwww mom you're back already...I was just throwing my game to this girl". He was happy. The slober all over his shirt proved it. He was also exhausted from all of the stimulation so we changed his shirt, gave him a snack and put him to bed where he still sleeps. Again...I need therapy.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Crying it out...

Ugh the guilt I feel today is overwhelming. What an emotional day and its only after the first night of letting him cry. Usually I went in after 5 minutes to soothe him and it only took two times for him to go back to sleep and usually he slept for 6-7 hours a stretch but lately he's been waking up after 3 or 4 hours. He isn't hungry....no dirty diaper...and he's safe...the only conclusion is that he wants someone to come in and get him. I wasn't sure but last night he woke up at 12:30 which was WAAAAYYYYY before his usual 3-4am wake and he stopped crying as soon as he saw me. I soothed him and left the room. 5 minutes later he had spit out his paci and was back at it...this time I waited 20 minute. When back in, checked him, rocked him (which immediately stopped the tears) and put him back to bed. 10 minutes later...back again. This time I waited an hour and he eventually fell asleep. The only thing that really bothered me was that he didn't have his hands to suck on but he put himself back to sleep. He was back at it around 3:15 though. Checked him...he was fine. It didn't take him as long the second time which made me feel better but I was certain he was never going to figure me for it...and that was if he made it through the night. Yup...I thought for sure he would die without me. He slept until 6am so we survived the first night. I'm already dreading tonight but it can't get worse right?
I know that some moms think I'm doing this way to early and we were really going to wait until he was 4 months but last night we had to pull the trigger or his bad habits were going to continue and I've got to be honest...after 11 weeks of inconsistent sleep for both of us it was beginning to be too much. You may not agree but I'm doing whats best for both of us.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Our first trip

Well we did it...we survived our first plane ride together..me and baby! It actually wasn't that bad. I pictured a screaming child and very upset passengers but that was not the case at all. He did great. He was asleep on the first flight out and was awake on the second flight but all he did was stare a the girl next to us and smile at her when she looked at him, total flirt. When we got off the first flight it was chaos! Had to feed myself, feed the baby, change him and back to the gate in about an hour. There's nothing like a mommy on a mission. This time he threw me for a loop and proceeded to poop ALL OVER his new outfit. It was every where so then there was a rush BACK to the bathroom to change him. Of course he was laughing and talking the entire time like he knew exactly what he did. I was also shocked at how alert he was. When someone (especially blonde girls) would talk to him he would pop up off my shoulder and talk back. It was the cutest thing. On the way back from VA he did the same thing. Slept on the first flight and on the second he was wide awake. This time he couldn't decide which position he wanted to be in. On my lap facing out, in my arms with head hanging in the aisle so he could see, on my lap facing in, on my shoulder...the battle was on for an hour and I was exhausted but I should complain because he never fussed. As soon as we stepped off the flight he SCREAMED for almost 2 hours. Obviously he was completely over stimulated and exhausted from the day. Mommy felt the same way.

So traveling wasn't too bad. It was actually fun watching him discover new noises, people and smells. Our next trip is a 10 hour car ride. That my friends may be an entirely different story.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Marriage

Again...remember life before baby? Your marriage was pretty easy...no big responsibilities, could do anything at the drop of a hat, chores weren't really "chores"...you get the picture. It wasn't really work to keep a marriage strong Life a couple of months after baby....all of the sudden you begin to argue about the dumbest stuff. All of the sudden the other person isn't doing enough, isn't sleeping enough, isn't "stepping up"...according to your needs right? I've talked to so many friends that have said the roughest part of their marriage was after the birth of their first child. Once again, I found myself completely unprepared for what would happen to us. Everything I mentioned above started to happen and things begin to unravel. Marriage seemed like such hard work. It was work I didn't have the energy to do. We use to leave cute notes for each other and now that was the last thing I was thinking about when my head hit the pillow. I also forgot that my husband worked a full time job while I was on maternity leave so even though I was exhausted from the day I handed off the baby and retreated to have some "me" time, I forgot he might need some to unwind also. When I went back to work things were getting worse and even the date night didn't seem like old times. One day we just sat down and talked and wondered what happened? Well...a baby happened. We talked for hours and hours but managed to figure out where we were both lacking. I never was sure what people meant when they said you had to put your marriage first then a child but its true. Its a constant work in progress as long as you are both willing to put in the work. After our talk I came out on the other end with a new appreciation for Jason and our family. Daily tasks don't seem so awful and now we enjoy and appreciate our time together after the baby goes down. It might only be 30 minutes a night but hey...I'll take it. I feel bad for the couple of months that were rough but it happens. All marriages go through phases. I'm quite positive we will go through more.