Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Marriage
Again...remember life before baby? Your marriage was pretty easy...no big responsibilities, could do anything at the drop of a hat, chores weren't really "chores"...you get the picture. It wasn't really work to keep a marriage strong Life a couple of months after baby....all of the sudden you begin to argue about the dumbest stuff. All of the sudden the other person isn't doing enough, isn't sleeping enough, isn't "stepping up"...according to your needs right? I've talked to so many friends that have said the roughest part of their marriage was after the birth of their first child. Once again, I found myself completely unprepared for what would happen to us. Everything I mentioned above started to happen and things begin to unravel. Marriage seemed like such hard work. It was work I didn't have the energy to do. We use to leave cute notes for each other and now that was the last thing I was thinking about when my head hit the pillow. I also forgot that my husband worked a full time job while I was on maternity leave so even though I was exhausted from the day I handed off the baby and retreated to have some "me" time, I forgot he might need some to unwind also. When I went back to work things were getting worse and even the date night didn't seem like old times. One day we just sat down and talked and wondered what happened? Well...a baby happened. We talked for hours and hours but managed to figure out where we were both lacking. I never was sure what people meant when they said you had to put your marriage first then a child but its true. Its a constant work in progress as long as you are both willing to put in the work. After our talk I came out on the other end with a new appreciation for Jason and our family. Daily tasks don't seem so awful and now we enjoy and appreciate our time together after the baby goes down. It might only be 30 minutes a night but hey...I'll take it. I feel bad for the couple of months that were rough but it happens. All marriages go through phases. I'm quite positive we will go through more.
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Oh yes....I know exactly what you mean. I became so bitter after Troy was born for many of the same reasons. It has been continuous work mainly because I stay at home and he doesn't get some of my issues (like wanting to go out to eat, wanting to go out with friends, not getting things done when I am at home...). Communication is key. When we finally talk about things, it helps so much (pretty obvious but sometimes I get so angry I don't want to talk)
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