I feel bad but....

I never thought I'd be so busy or things would be so hectic. There really isn't a moment to sit down anymore or even to really gather my thoughts and I only have one child. Its CRAZY that I'm considering another one (not now of course). The thing I feel the worst about is that I feel like I can't balance it all. I get so overwhelmed. How awful that I had to send my husband a message on Friday telling him he needed to come home soon. After a week of being without my usual help....I had reached my limit and felt horrible about it. I think the baby was sick of me also :-) Trying to be a stay at home mom with a full time job and an unruly dog had sent me into crazytown...briefly. I was trying to explain to him that I don't have a minute alone or to do something by myself. If I'm at home, I'm playing with Luke...if he's sleeping then I'm working. If I'm running then I've got him and the dog. There's always laundry to do, a house to clean (no cooking for me) or errands to run. By Friday I'm at the end of my rope and need some away time. But again I feel awful for even thinking it. I've wanted a family for as long as I can remember and I love them dearly so why do I need time away from them? Well I guess its because I'm a mom and all moms need "me time" eventually. I try not to feel guilty and sometimes I really don't think my husband understands but he tries. The result of me time..I actually volunteer to take the dog and the baby to the dog park while he gets some alone time. Me..volunteering to take the pony to the dog park???? Yes, that means mommy is happy again and ready to roll. Even the baby screaming on the way home didn't phase me. Its amazing what a husband that listens and 3 hours on my own will do. I envy those moms that can do it on their own. I really do. I sometimes wonder why I can't seem to pull it together and not need time away but oh well..I do. It makes me a better mom.

Teething...yuck

Well we survived teething and it about drove me nuts. For awhile I thought maybe he was but he had been drooling for so long that I thought it was just a mood change. Then I felt the bump...and here came the crying, waking up and not eating. Yikes! It was only about a week or alittle more but my gosh that was a LOOONNNGGGG week. He went from sleeping 10 to 11 hours to waking up a couple of times a night. I could almost deal with waking up but the fussiness just about drove me crazy. Man...I feel so blessed to have a happy baby. I couldn't imagine having a baby with Colic or just a fussy baby in general. It makes you crazy because you just can't make him or her happy. My goal everyday was to wear him out with playdates, errands or walks. I would do anything not to hear him fuss. I even counted the minutes until our nanny walked through the door. I felt awful for feeling that way but my gosh I needed a break. I almost felt like the mom with a fussy baby. I tell ya...it was a long week. Now he's back to my happy baby but of course now he is going through the stranger anxiety phase. Even the clown on his little Baby Einstein video scares him now. My friends scare him. What the crap! So I'm wondering how Thanksgiving will go with all of the new people around. I'm hoping as quickly as it came this phase will go away. I'm amazed by how much he changes in a week. Grumpy to happy. Social butterfly to scared little baby. Maybe if I tell everyone to just ignore him then he will be fine. Yeah right, how do you tell 20 people to ignore a 6 month old baby. Good luck right?

I never learn...

So in my last blog I wrote about how much I've learned since Luke came along. Well...how about something that I never learn my lesson on. The pony. Ahhhhh the pony (aka our 100lb dog named Henry). It seems that I give him the benefit of the doubt ALL THE TIME AND I NEVER LEARN. For instance; he is going through a terrible barking problem lately. I think he's just constantly yelling at us like a teenager would. You let him outside..he turns around and just barks none stop. You bring him in and get on the phone...he barks. He sees a cat outside...he barks. And yet...I continue to let him go outside whenever he wants which is usually when the baby is napping. I continue to keep the blinds open so when he sees that mean cat outside he barks...again, usually when the baby is napping. My new "never learn" is taking him running with the baby. It never goes well...never. He usually gets in the way of the jogger and I run over his foot (atleast 1o times during a typical 5 mile run). He sees someone and darts in that direction taking us with him. He sees a squirrel and STOPS right in front of us which means I plow into him. But every morning...he still goes. Why? Because I never learn and each morning I think that it will be different. Today he'll behave and not get clipped. Nope. I end up frustrated and yelling at him like a crazy lady. Then I look around and wonder who saw me and thinks I'm a mean dog owner. I love my pony...I really do but could he just once maybe not wanna go for a run? Maybe continue to lay on the floor and say "nah...not today". Probably not so I guess I will continue to take him out of guilt and continue to never learn. As I'm writing this he lays on the couch snoring because he's exhausted from making me exhausted. Love you Henry...well today anyway.