There were many nights that I thought...I need to blog. But with so much going on...there is never enough time. I have come upon another sleepless night so why not.
There are many things in life that you choose to keep private but eventually life's struggles will come out in some manner. This one we have kind of kept to ourselves just because it was so overwhelming to us. How do you talk about a problem with no answers? Well...things are finally working out and we are so incredibly happy.
I would say by now its safe to say that many people know we have a very lively two year (almost three) old. I can't believe it's been three years...what an incredibly long road it has been. A road that has taught us so much. Some of even my closest friends may find it hard to believe that Lucas has JUST started communicating. He has grown so much in the past two months that we are finally getting two words...sometimes three. A simple question of "where is it?" still makes me smile.
The past year has been filled with full on tantrums, noncommuncation, blood curling screams over the simplest thing, and only a very few laughing moments. Thinking it was poor behavior, we tried switching preschools but as the days went on, I could see him slowly slipping away from our world. He was still making eye contact but had no social skills, refused to eat anything other than waffles or mac and cheese. He would scream if any child came into his space, and would scream in fits of anger if you ever tried to correct him or pull him away from something. The tantrums would last sometimes for hours. Jason and I felt defeated and exhausted. Life as a two year old some might ask? No...it was way more than that. He just wasn't communicating and my days would typcially end in tears or frustation for both of us. Jason and I felt the strain in so many ways. I felt horrible that I was just not enjoying my son anymore. How awful to even say or write but there were days I was scared to be alone with him because you just never knew what you were going to get. Taking him in public was out of the question for a long time. I was quickly isolating us because of many reasons, number one being I was so embarassed that I could not control my own son. It was more than discipline...
The family beach trip was so very far from a vacation. I felt so bad for the family members that were sharing a house with us.
The kicker with him....he was and is incredibly smart. He knows things a two year really shouldn't know. He can arrange the alphabet in the correct order. Tell you the sounds of each letter if you ask, count to 20 and can memorize a book after two reads but I couldn't get him to tell me what he wanted to drink. I couldn't get him to talk to me. How can he do all of these things but can't even tell me what he needs. I was confused and feeling hopeless...mostly tired of crying. After a long and helpful talk with a good friend and his pediatrician, I knew it was time to get him tested for Autism. I was sad but mostly just wanted answers. So off we went...the therapist recommended speech and occupational therapy twice a week as well as immediately pulling him out of preschool. The school was probably doing more damage than good. He was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder... I researched it and followed her recommendation. I secretly think the preschool was happy to see us go because most of the time he would just scream in fits of anger if they tried to engage him or switch the schedule. Now I know he was so overstimulated that it was torture for him. Istill feel awful about it. We moved him into a home care setting with only two other children and a mother that wanted nothing more than to help him. She has changed our lives. The speech therapist ended up being a joke and we never went back. His new care giver was ready to take him on and show us what he was capable of. He is talking and repeating everything we say. He smiles and is so playful that sometimes we are still in shock. She said that he is playing with the kids and is teaching them everything he knows. His latest argument wasn't over a toy but that a diamond is called a rhombus...not a diamond! Smart is not even the word for this kid. I can honestly say, I do not remember the last time he threw a fit. Actually he did last week but I was fine with it because it was over the fact that he didn't want to leave her for the evening. She has even figured out how to get him to eat without hassle. He eats ALL DAY LONG. I never knew that offering him more than one food would send him over the edge...she researched his behavior and figured it all out. Each morning we head her way, instead of crying, he giggles the whole time asking for Annie (her name). She even took him to the circus...a place we would have NEVER gone. She paid extra for him to be able to sit front row so that he would not feel the pressure of all of the people surrounding him. Intead of freaking out, he spent the entire time smiling and naming the animals. The amount of love this woman has for my son is just unbelievable. She has given us our son back. I feel blessed, happy, and am finally enjoying every moment of our lives. For the first time he climbed in my lap last week and gave me a kiss and a hug. It brought me to tears. While some mothers might think...gosh that's simple....no...not for us. This was a first and a milestone that I will never forget. Now...I have to figure out how I will ever repay this woman for what she has done. Instead of being scared of screams, I now feel full of love and warmth when I hear him call "Mommy.....hi".
